While driving to my Grandmother’s house, a “gentleman” abruptly pulled out in front of our car. My husband debated whether or not to express his displeasure. I said, “How rude!” (I know, I know, I need to cut back on the Full House reruns.) This started a conversation about how people seem to be much more discourteous now than we used to be. I felt very old talking about it (“What’s the matter with kids today?”) We wondered: Is it true? Are people more thoughtless now than we used to be? And, if so: Why? Is it characteristic of our entitlement society? Is it the lack of personal filtering on social media? Whatever the cause, people with manners are becoming an endangered species. If you are one of them, it may frustrate you as a driver, but it makes you a desirable employee. Here’s how to make your good manners pay off:
Go Back to the Basics
Workplaces have grown more casual over the past few years. While in some respects this is good, it has also promoted an environment of acceptable inconsideration. Buck that trend. Say please and thank you. Don’t interrupt when someone is speaking. Don’t talk with your mouth full of food. Act on the assumption that you cannot over thank your colleagues. For example: Our company uses an employee recognition platform that assigns us thousands of points to give to one another via a website when we help each other. The points add up to earn rewards such as gift cards or lunch with the CEO. I have the website bookmarked so when someone assists me I can easily give them some points. An added benefit: That person is happy to help me when I need them again.
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Everyone has boundaries. If you work in cubicles, don’t just walk into someone else’s. Say, “Hello?” Or “Knock, knock,” or something to announce yourself. If you have a break room, don’t heat up last night’s leftover halibut without asking the people sitting there if it’s a problem. Do you usually put your phone on speaker? Let the person on the other end know. Do you forward other people’s emails? Ask permission first. Do you favor colorful curse words? Expand your vocabulary and avoid them at work (unless that’s part of your company’s culture code). Do you work with people from backgrounds different than yours? Don’t assume your communication style is the same. Many cultures’ business communications are more formal than America’s. If you initiate these practices, others will follow suit. You will not only be perceived as a leader, but also as emotionally intelligent. These are two qualities highly sought by potential employers.
You Don’t Have to Say Everything You Think
The immediacy of social media allows us to forget to use filters that make us stop and think before we speak or like or hit send. It also encourages us to voice our opinion on everyone else’s opinions. Before commenting, take a millisecond and ask yourself: Is what I’m about to say/write true, helpful, inspiring, necessary and/or kind? Social media also makes me feel like I need all my questions answered immediately. I really don’t and I especially dislike bothering my manager every time I have one. So, I’ve come up with this system: I sit at a transaction desk positioned next to the only entrance/exit to the whole office. Since my manager has to walk right by me to go to the ladies’ room, lunch, etc., I’ve gotten into the habit of putting paperwork or questions on the high shelf of my desk and she is now in the habit of checking it every time she walks by. This way I’m not interrupting her every fifteen minutes for non-emergency issues and often by the time she walks by, I’ve found the answer on my own. That’s my way, maybe yours is to send one email with three issues in it or meet with your manager for five minutes half way through the day. Find a consistent technique that works for you. Being considerate in what you say, as well as what you don’t say, makes you stand out in a good way.
The Golden Rule
Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. In business this moves from, “If you be nice to me, I’ll be nice to you”, to “If you do my pivot table for me, I’ll enter your QC data for you.” When you shift beyond coworkers to clients and customers, this becomes more than just being kind to other human beings, this is survival. Kindness can make clients loyal. Kindness can make customers buy more of your product or service and tell their friends to buy them too. If we get our ethics right, we build a reputation clients and customers want to share.
The bottom line is the Dalai Lama is right: “Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.” What are your thoughts on manners at work? Is your workplace so casual manners don’t matter? Or so formal it’s stifling? Do you see a cause and effect? Can you give me some real world examples of when manners mattered? Please tell me about them using the form below.