Did you get bullied in school? What is called bullying now used to be called, “Boys will be boys,” when I was in elementary. Or “He only throws snowballs at your head because he likes you.” Most of those snowball throwers have grown up and gotten jobs. Maybe one works in your office and instead of throwing snowballs, he’s throwing shade. Or maybe he’s putting tasks on your list that he doesn’t want to do. If you need to stand up to an office bully, here are some things you can do:
Be Assertive: Treat him the way you want to be treated. Show him how to behave by behaving yourself. Be kind. Don’t give him dirty looks or insult him or point out his flaws even if he does those things to you. If he escalates, tell him his behavior is not office appropriate. If he uses the old, “Can’t you take a joke?” line, feel free to hit back with, “Sure. When are you going to tell one?” The longer you let a bully go unchecked, the quicker he assumes you are an acceptable target.
Establish Boundaries and Hold Them: Ignore him, let it go, act like he’s not talking to you, then pick your battles and stand your ground. Realize that you will have to fight at least once, so chose carefully. Once a bully knows you will get back up after he knocks you down, knocking you down becomes work and let’s face it, if he had enough work to do, he wouldn’t have time to bully you. For example: Did he ask you to make a cold call for him? Did you turn it into a sale? Do you give it back to him or can you keep it? Is this a decision your Sales Manager can make? Once you start negatively impacting his paycheck, he’ll think twice about whether pushing you around is worth it.
Those Who Can Do. Those Who Can’t Gossip: This isn’t high school, although being bullied might feel like it. When you’ve had enough, confront him. Don’t talk about him behind his back. Don’t be an office gossip and don’t get a reputation for being one. Handle your business. Adulting is hard. If you are afraid of how he’ll react to a confrontation, (a gentle conversation mind you, not a yelling match or an accusation) well, you don’t like how he treats you when you don’t confront him so you’ve really got nothing to lose now do you?
He’s Not Always Wrong: He was hired for a reason and he hasn’t been fired. Yet. So he must be good at something even if it’s just brown-nosing the boss. Don’t habitually discount his ideas and contributions to the company. A manager will overlook a lot if the employee is a rainmaker. You don’t have to like him, you just have to work with him. Getting along may mean leaving each other alone as much as possible. When he has a request think about how you’d feel about doing it for someone else. If a colleague you respected asked you to do it, would it be a problem? If not, do it. If so, throw it back at him with an pseudo apology, “Sorry. Project X is taking all my attention. I’m sure you’ll find time to send those emails.”
I used male pronouns in all my examples above, but I realize female bullies have jobs too. Do you have any suggestions on how to handle work bullies? Tell me about it here: