“Hi. My name is Mardi and I’m a chronic over-thinker.” *Hi Mardi!*
Sometimes, my thoughts spin so fast they trip and fall into rabbit holes leading to people that (I think) need my help. Much like Glinda in Wicked, this does not make me “Popular.” (See what I did there?)
While commuting to and from work, cars constantly merge onto the highway. I usually stay in the middle, but there are plenty of people switching lanes. Sometimes they don’t use their signals. Sometimes they race each other to see who is going to get in front of whom. All the time I’m yelling, “Stay in your lane!” This reminds me that (figuratively speaking) I have a tendency to veer out of my lane and merge on top of those around me. There are three reasons I get all up in people’s business. Do any of these sound familiar?
I know better than they do. When someone is going through a situation I’ve been through, I assume their experience is identical to mine. You know what assuming does. (If not, ask me in the comments section below.) For example: Last fall, our daughter hunted a full-time job she could start after graduating from college this spring. Been there. Done that. Three companies recruited her. She accepted the first offer. I wanted her to wait and see if something better came along. Here’s what I should probably do instead: Listen; don’t talk. Ask questions; don’t lecture. Keep my opinions to myself. People ask for my advice when they are ready to hear it, not when I’m ready to give it.
I can save them. I’m a fixer. When I see someone making poor choices, I want to step in and correct their course. For example: A coworker was struggling with potential clients. I edited her pitch to increase her close rate. I even went with her to a few meetings and demonstrated. But, instead of viewing it as process improvement, she felt discouraged. Here’s what I should probably do instead: I need to resist the urge to fix, step in, or think my intervention will save the day. If I see a butterfly struggling to shed a cocoon, and I tear it open, do you know what happens? I kill the butterfly. The struggle strengthens it. Sometimes I just have to sit on my hands and not say everything I think.
I want their attention. I want to feel like I matter. For example: I’ve unpacked pallets of boxes weighing 20lbs each, stacked them in a storage unit, and sent pictures of my work to my manager. Here’s what I should probably do instead: Rein it in. If my work is consistently good, I will get a reputation as a valued member of the team. That is not to say I shouldn’t let my manager know I’m working hard, but weekly one-on-ones would be an appropriate time to do that.
Do you have trouble staying in your lane too? Please share your tips for self-restraint in the comments section below.