Leadership – Page 3 – mardihumphreys.com

You’ve no doubt heard of paranoia, the feeling someone is out to hurt you. I’ve even blogged about it. But have you ever heard of pronoia? Psychologist Brian Little defines it as: “The delusional belief that other people are plotting your well-being or saying nice things about you behind your back.”

Maybe it doesn’t have to be delusional. Could it be controlled and perceived as reaping what you sow? I’ve been on the receiving end of what I interpret as pronoia. Someone actually WAS plotting my well-being and saying nice things about me behind my back to someone with the power to change my situation.

Pronoia is a foreign concept because we’re much more likely to notice and discuss negative behaviors than positive ones. Why is that? Why is it we hear and repeat the negative? Why is that more attractive than hearing and repeating the positive?

Because it’s easy; it makes us feel important by being the one “in the know.” Even descriptions of negative impacting words are cooler than positive ones: Juicy gossip; spill the tea (gossip is NOT worth your T.E.A. btw) vs. sweet nothings and honeyed words. Wouldn’t we benefit more by training ourselves to choose to have hope, trust, and faith in our coworkers? Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D. says doing so makes us more inclined to have a disposition of optimism and resilience and not just at work. He also lists the problems of taking it too far, so let’s balance pronoia with healthy skepticism.

Let’s look for hints of the best in our coworkers and entice it out of them. If someone is being difficult, let’s assume it’s a symptom of a problem and investigate instead of assuming she just has a difficult personality. Call it what you want: Karma, paying it forward, or just plain practicing kindness, but let’s steer our companies’ cultures toward empathy. It can only benefit the team.

If the Beatles were right, and the love you take is indeed equal to the love you make, will plotting our coworkers well-being increase our chances of being on the receiving end of pronoia? What does this look like at work? We can assume our teammate isn’t trying to dump an unwanted project on us, but just needs a hand. That attitude improves our mindsets more than hers. Remember to set boundaries though. For example: Once the project is doable for our coworker, stop helping. Be a pronoia instigator. Did someone in another department give us a viable sales lead? Send an email to his manager. Has the team hired a new member? Take her to lunch and answer her onboarding questions. Does the intern need help polishing his resume? Give it the once over.

Expecting the best from people doesn’t change them. It actually changes us. It causes us to treat our coworkers differently. Think of it as the Golden Rule on steroids.

What do you do at work to spread pronoia? Please share your suggestions in the comments section below.

You walk into the office on Wednesday morning to discover the team member you hired two weeks ago, quit without notice. The disasters this causes start running through your head: loss of revenue, production, etc. Now, instead of attacking your end of month to-do list, you have to do all the company’s termination tasks, get the ball rolling to hire a replacement, and make arrangements to cover all the former employee’s responsibilities. Even if this example doesn’t apply to you, you frequently face crises at work. When one happens, do you see it as a trial or a tool? The way you choose to look at the problem is crucial to your solving it. Here are three ways to turn obstacles into opportunities.

Don’t Panic: Stop. Take a deep breath. Write down everything you’re thinking so you can get the negative thoughts out of your head to make room for thoughts that will help you solve the problem. Circumstances are like clay, not a brick wall. You can mold them. What you currently think of as “rules” to handling your situation, didn’t always exist. Someone had to come up with the idea, do it over and over again, pass it on to someone else on the team, and now it’s just the way things are done. You are perfectly capable of coming up with another way to overcome the obstacle, and when you do, you’ll be the office hero.

Adjust Your Attitude: Don’t whine and wallow. Okay, maybe for five minutes, but then get over the emotion that tells you the situation isn’t fair. You need all your energy to focus on thinking clearly, communicating what needs done, and solving the problem. Problem solving is easier when you’re confident you can do it. When setbacks happen, tell yourself: “Well, here are the things we know don’t work.” Celebrate the baby steps that move you forward. You can build on small wins and snowball them into progress. Ever trained a puppy? When he did something you wanted him to do, like sit, you gave him a treat. When you told him to sit and he wouldn’t, you didn’t give him the treat. Do the same thing with yourself. When you accomplish something that moves you toward resolution, reward yourself. It can be something small, like a walk around the building or something bigger, like lunch out with a friend.

Make This Work for You: What can you learn from this situation? Whom in the office are your allies? Who are your enemies? Who are your frienemies? When the team is under pressure, you can quickly spot who is in your corner and who isn’t. Tuck this knowledge away for future reference. What progress can you document for your next performance review? How can you stand out in a good way? Does your boss have your back? Does your boss have your front? For example, when reporting to the company she says something like, “Yes this puts us behind schedule, but here is what Susan is doing to rectify that…” Take this opportunity to listen to chatty, stressed out team members. Practice your emotional intelligence and hear what they have to say without judgement. Silently wade though their emotions and evaluate whether or not their points are valid. Is there a way to incorporate their ideas into a solution? Encourage your team to not give up. All these things demonstrate your developing leadership skills.

The problem that seemed insurmountable on Wednesday can look a lot more surmountable by Friday, if you perceive roadblocks as fuel for success. You can do this!

Please share your stories of turning obstacles into opportunities here:

Category: Leadership

What Goes Around Comes Around

Trial or Tool?