Communication – Page 8 – mardihumphreys.com

Keep it Kind

Associate of the Quarter — Photo Credit: Pixabay.com

For a year, I was employed part time for HomeGoods in addition to my full time job. Why? For the money, the distraction, and because I grew extremely fond of the people with whom I worked. During a seven day week, I put in about 20 hours. Spending this much time at the store introduced me to tons of people and the experience was heady. I never met so many interesting individuals gathered in one place: married, single, younger, older, poor, well-off, sick, healthy, educated, trying-to-get educated, shy, exhibitionist. They had so many stories to tell and I had so much time to listen while we categorized a thousand and one throw pillows by color. Culturally, at the time, kindness was trending. So I decided early on to make this job an experiment in kindness. Could I be kind to every person I encountered: managers, teammates, customers? If I did, how would I measure success? Would this be an experiment everyone could do? The answer came quickly and blew my mind. Here is what you can do and what I did:

For Your Managers: Show up on time and do what they ask you to do. I checked out resources, like the merchandising handbook, on my breaks and studied them. I let them know I used some of my vacation time from my full time job to support the store during holiday seasons. I adopted an “it’s easier to be forgiven than approved” attitude. Like Philip McKernan says, “In the absence of clarity, take action.” In order to learn, I offered to do things (returns, merchandising, etc) beyond my job description until someone higher up than me told me I didn’t have the authority to do it.

For Your Teammates: Listen to them and ask follow up questions. Do the tasks others don’t want to do – within reason. For example: I didn’t judge and I pretended not to be shocked by anything they said. (“Are your decisions getting you what you want out of life? L’chaim.”) When a chronically complaining coworker started up, I spun her complaint into a compliment. When a high maintenance customer overwhelmed a new associate, I offered assistance. When an associate felt stuck in her position and wanted to move up, we discussed resume writing and networking. When an associate was grappling with another job opportunity, we talked about the pros and cons of retail life vs. office life. I set boundaries like time limits for listening and offering a choice to unmotivated teammates: “Here are two things we need to do right now. Which one do you want? I’ll do the one you don’t want to do.” (Please excuse the overuse of “I” in this post. I couldn’t think of another way to give real-life illustrations.) Bottom line: Treat others the way you want to be treated.

For Your Customers: They are always more important than the task. Take the time to serve them. Here are some things that happened to me: A grumpy older man wanted to use a dolly (which is forbidden by the company) to haul a Christmas mailbox from the back of the store to the front. I offered to do it. When he said, “Are you going to pay for it when you drop it?” I said, “Sir, your confidence in me is underwhelming,” and hauled the mailbox. Sassy? Yes. Disrespectful? Not quite. Another customer pulled out a dozen throw pillows, trying to decide which three to purchase. I put them in a cart and took them over to a couch the color she was trying to match and we spent twenty minutes choosing the perfect ones. Another customer asked for help finding sheets and every option I pulled for her either was not the right thread count, or not the right size, or did not include enough pillow cases, or was too expensive, etc. I did not kill her.

I had to give up HomeGoods when my full time job began to require more flexibility in my schedule. The results of the kindness experiment have stuck with me and, I think, made me better at my full time job. The first result was a realization that my age is finally coming in handy. I was used to being the youngest person in the group. But at the store, I was one of the oldest. I was depressed at first, but tried to roll with it. I mean, what’s the alternative? Death? The second result was that the challenge of finding ways to be kind to everyone I came in contact with at the store energized me. I found I could work 60 or so hours a week and still function. The final result was the most unexpected. Two months into my employment, it was time to choose the Associate of the Quarter. The majority of my teammates voted for me. Their kindness flatters me even now. I received my name on a plaque, a framed certificate, a visit from the district manager, and a gift card. But the real gift they gave me was practice communicating with customers, teammates, and management. Kindness as a communication strategy. Brilliant. Thank you teammates for the valuable lesson!

How about you? Ever find yourself in a situation where you can choose to either invest in people or just keep to yourself? What did you do? Are you happy with your decision? Tell me about it here:

Be a Great CSR – Even if You’re Not

One afternoon last week at work, my manager was distressed as she hung up the phone. She’d received a call from a customer with whom she’d been playing phone tag. He’d contacted our call center the week prior and the CSR (Customer Service Representative) could not help him so she notified several Program Managers (PM) detailing this customer’s issue. After several days with no resolution, my manager contacted the customer to determine whom was the correct person to help him. She did this knowing full well she was not that person. She was distressed because now the customer was needlessly frustrated. My manager determined which PM could help the customer and got the ball rolling in the right direction for him. My manager is a PM, but she demonstrated for everyone in our office how important customer service is. If customer service is not officially in your job description, here is why you should learn to do it anyway:

It May Not Be Your Job, But It IS Your Business – Even if you do not deal directly with customers you have a supervisor (even C-Suite employees have a board to whom they are accountable). This supervisor is actually your customer because your job is “At-Will” (Google “At-Will employment). Start thinking of your supervisor as a customer. I’ve worked at a television station, retail stores, schools, churches, and corporate offices. In all these jobs, I had managers. When I started treating them like they were a customer paying me for the skills I brought to my position, it changed the game. My attitude changed which made them react differently to me. You can use customer service skills in just about every job you’ll ever have. It adds value to whatever position you hold in a company.

What? Like It’s Hard? – Whether you sell a product or a service, people are what keep you in a job. It’s in your best interest to help them. With companies using fewer people to do more work, it behooves you to learn how to be nice. Most people think of complainers when they think of customer service and you definitely get those. First just stay quiet and let him talk. Soon, like a crying baby, he will wear himself out and you can get a word in. At that point, offer sympathy and tell him what action you intend to take on his behalf even if it’s just, “Let me talk to my manager and see what I can find out for you.”. A gentle answer turns away wrath most of the time. People usually just want to be heard. Then, they want to know someone is doing something about their problem. I was in a situation where I needed a prescription filled and had no clue there were restrictions on it. Luckily, the Pharmacy tech was fabulous at customer service. She told me if I could wait a day and come back, she would contact both my insurance company and my doctor’s office and figure out how to work within the restrictions. She even called me less than 24 hours after my first visit to update me on her progress. That made my second trip to the pharmacy in as many days much more pleasant. (Thank you, Michelle!)

Life Is All About Relationships – Customer service is simply getting along. The same skills you learned to get along with your college roommate, or church baseball teammates, or the people you volunteer with at your local Metropark, are the same skills you use in customer service. Let the customer know you are on his side. Your attitude should be: We are in this situation together. How can we get a win for everyone involved? It’s also about communication. Even if nothing can be done to fully satisfy the customer, an explanation and an empathetic apology is an acceptable answer.

It Benefits You – Customer service is a valuable transferable “soft” skill. When you help people, you gain a reputation as a problem solver. And problem solvers are indispensable in any organization. If someone you’ve helped is really grateful and says something like, “It’s been great working with you” or “You’ve been so helpful” and you feel it’s appropriate, let him know that a couple of sentences sent to your supervisor (and copied to you) in an email would be greatly appreciated. That way both you and your supervisor know how much you bring to the table. Put these emails in a folder and bring them out at performance review time. Remember: The more people you help, the larger your network gets. You never know what connections you can make or from where your next job will come. You may help the husband of a manager of the company for whom you want to work, and when she’s looking for someone special and talking to him about it on a dinner date, he might remember you and jump start your next opportunity.

How does customer service come into play in your job? Share your story here:

Manners Matter

While driving to my Grandmother’s house, a “gentleman” abruptly pulled out in front of our car. My husband debated whether or not to express his displeasure. I said, “How rude!” (I know, I know, I need to cut back on the Full House reruns.) This started a conversation about how people seem to be much more discourteous now than we used to be. I felt very old talking about it (“What’s the matter with kids today?”) We wondered: Is it true? Are people more thoughtless now than we used to be? And, if so: Why? Is it characteristic of our entitlement society? Is it the lack of personal filtering on social media? Whatever the cause, people with manners are becoming an endangered species. If you are one of them, it may frustrate you as a driver, but it makes you a desirable employee. Here’s how to make your good manners pay off:

Go Back to the Basics
Workplaces have grown more casual over the past few years. While in some respects this is good, it has also promoted an environment of acceptable inconsideration. Buck that trend. Say please and thank you. Don’t interrupt when someone is speaking. Don’t talk with your mouth full of food. Act on the assumption that you cannot over thank your colleagues. For example: Our company uses an employee recognition platform that assigns us thousands of points to give to one another via a website when we help each other. The points add up to earn rewards such as gift cards or lunch with the CEO. I have the website bookmarked so when someone assists me I can easily give them some points. An added benefit: That person is happy to help me when I need them again.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Everyone has boundaries. If you work in cubicles, don’t just walk into someone else’s. Say, “Hello?” Or “Knock, knock,” or something to announce yourself. If you have a break room, don’t heat up last night’s leftover halibut without asking the people sitting there if it’s a problem. Do you usually put your phone on speaker? Let the person on the other end know. Do you forward other people’s emails? Ask permission first. Do you favor colorful curse words? Expand your vocabulary and avoid them at work (unless that’s part of your company’s culture code). Do you work with people from backgrounds different than yours? Don’t assume your communication style is the same. Many cultures’ business communications are more formal than America’s. If you initiate these practices, others will follow suit. You will not only be perceived as a leader, but also as emotionally intelligent. These are two qualities highly sought by potential employers.

You Don’t Have to Say Everything You Think
The immediacy of social media allows us to forget to use filters that make us stop and think before we speak or like or hit send. It also encourages us to voice our opinion on everyone else’s opinions. Before commenting, take a millisecond and ask yourself: Is what I’m about to say/write true, helpful, inspiring, necessary and/or kind? Social media also makes me feel like I need all my questions answered immediately. I really don’t and I especially dislike bothering my manager every time I have one. So, I’ve come up with this system: I sit at a transaction desk positioned next to the only entrance/exit to the whole office. Since my manager has to walk right by me to go to the ladies’ room, lunch, etc., I’ve gotten into the habit of putting paperwork or questions on the high shelf of my desk and she is now in the habit of checking it every time she walks by. This way I’m not interrupting her every fifteen minutes for non-emergency issues and often by the time she walks by, I’ve found the answer on my own. That’s my way, maybe yours is to send one email with three issues in it or meet with your manager for five minutes half way through the day. Find a consistent technique that works for you. Being considerate in what you say, as well as what you don’t say, makes you stand out in a good way.

The Golden Rule
Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. In business this moves from, “If you be nice to me, I’ll be nice to you”, to “If you do my pivot table for me, I’ll enter your QC data for you.” When you shift beyond coworkers to clients and customers, this becomes more than just being kind to other human beings, this is survival. Kindness can make clients loyal. Kindness can make customers buy more of your product or service and tell their friends to buy them too. If we get our ethics right, we build a reputation clients and customers want to share.

The bottom line is the Dalai Lama is right: “Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.” What are your thoughts on manners at work? Is your workplace so casual manners don’t matter? Or so formal it’s stifling? Do you see a cause and effect? Can you give me some real world examples of when manners mattered? Please tell me about them using the form below.

Eliminate Embarrassing Email

We’ve all done it. Hit send and immediately regretted it. You forgot the attachment (again). This is actually harder to do since Outlook now reads my messages, notices keywords, and puts up a dialogue box asking if I meant to include an attachment. It’s a great (but creepy) update. Or you realize you hit Reply All and should have just hit Reply because now 15 people know you think Janet’s work is sub par. Including Janet. Before you hit Send, take a millisecond to think about these five things:

WLS (Write, Leave, Send)
When I write an instructive email, especially if it’s in response to a frustrating situation, I compose a draft. I remove the recipients’ names and addresses if it’s a reply, and I write whatever I want. Then I minimize it and do something else for at least five minutes. When I go back to it, I edit it down to just the facts. Then leave it for another five minutes. I read over it one more time before adding the addresses and sending. The email ends up to the point and lacks any emotion I may have had ten minutes prior.

Is This Really a Phone Call?
I’d rather send an email than make a phone call any day of the week. But sometimes communication through email just can’t be clear enough and a conversation is necessary. If you’ve written three paragraphs and still haven’t gotten to your main point, pick up the phone. Particularly if you are writing to your client. Particularly if the topic is sensitive. You may even need to FaceTime/Skype the client so she can see your non-verbals.

Assume Your Message Will be Interpreted Negatively
After writing your message, read it out loud to yourself. Is there any possible way in the world it can be interpreted as sarcastic or offensive? Sometimes when we try to be cute or funny, we fail. Epically. And it comes off as negative. If you’ve known your recipient for less than two years, or if it’s a client, it is safer to keep email more professional than personal. And for Heaven’s sake, skip the emojis. They are not meant for professional email correspondence. Save the red heart eyes for your mom.

One Long or a Few Short?
I’ve found that when I have more than three questions, I need to send multiple emails. If I put more than three questions in a message, inevitably one question remains unanswered and I end up rephrasing it and asking again – sending an additional message anyway. It’s also more gratifying to unflag multiple replies. I enjoy checking things off my task list. I’m a nerd that way.

Short and Sweet
Good email communication is brief and positive. Thomas Jefferson said, “The most valuable of all talents is that of never using two words when one will do.” My Grammy said, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything.” Both are good pieces of advice for composing email.

Bottom line: Communication on a difficult subject should probably not be done through email. And whatever you do, check and double check your To: list before sending. For your sake as well as Janet’s.

Do you have any email tips for me? Share them here:

Are People Following You? Then You’re A Leader

I once worked as a first grade teacher’s aide at the Christian school my daughter attended. I was responsible for things like story time, recess, taking the class to and from PE, and facilitating reading groups. So, the 21 students and I had plenty of time to bond (and test my boundaries). By the middle of the school year, we knew each other well enough to have fun together. For example: Everyday I picked the students up from lunch. When they saw me at the door with my hand raised, they formed a single line in front of me. After a quick head count, I asked in drill sergeant style, “Where do your lunch boxes go?” They replied, “To the left, to the left!” To which I responded, “Everything you own in a box to the left!” (song credit: Beyonce.) And off we went back to class. One day after witnessing this spectacle, the headmaster stopped us in the hall outside the lunchroom. I anticipated a reprimand, but instead he complemented me on my unique leadership style. I said, “Sir, I’m not a leader. I’m just trying to get their right hands free to hold onto the stair railing.” He said, “Mrs. Humphreys, look behind you. You literally have 21 people following you. Like it or not, you are a leader.” The moral of the story? Official titles don’t matter. If people follow you then you are a leader. Are you a reluctant leader? You are if you have these qualities:

You make decisions – If people ask you “What do you think of ______?” then you are a leader. In situations where a group decision has to be made, I look around at the people who outrank me and see if they are going to decide. If no one speaks up, I ask some questions to spur brainstorming. If that doesn’t spark a decision, I throw out some options; sometimes even suggest a course of action. Does that sound like something you’ve done? Then you are a leader.

You are a servant – A good leader is actually a servant. She is kind, humble, and generous. She puts the best interests of her team or organization before her own. A good leader can’t be selfish. Taken to the extreme, a selfish leader is a dictator. People end up either miserably following him or quitting. If you have found yourself in a situation where you could not do your job until Mary did hers, then helped Mary finish her task (but didn’t do it for her), then you are a leader.

You know what motivates people – A good leader knows both what motivates those around her and what their strengths are. Then she plays to those things. For example: John has just been put in charge of coordinating the department’s presentation to the client, but you know he works better solo than in a group. So you quietly remind your manager that John is an Excel ninja and suggest he be reassigned to chart the Year-To-Date statistics for the presentation instead. You played both to John’s strength and the manager’s motivation for an excellent presentation. Guess what? You are a leader.

But what if you don’t want to be a leader? It’s too much responsibility, You don’t feel like you’re a good role model. Yada, yada, yada. Suck it up, Buttercup. Like it or not, you’re a leader so be a good one. Start with small acknowledgements to yourself that you lead your family, your team at work, your crew of volunteers at church, etc. Be aware of how you treat others. Start with just being kind. Have your people’s backs. Encourage them with compliments on tasks well done. It’s not all bad, it’s not always difficult, and it can be rewarding. As John Quincy Adams said, “If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader.”

What other qualities do leaders have in common? Share your thoughts here:

What We Have Here is a Failure to Communicate

Like it or not we live in a 140 character society. I know a few pastors who REALLY don’t like it. I, on the other hand, LOVE it. I’m all about the KISS theory of communication (Keep It Simple Sister!). If you have to explain your idea too much, you haven’t communicated it very well. Your message does not need more words. It needs better words. Author Verlyn Klinkenborg says, “You can say smart, interesting, complicated things using short sentences. How long is a good idea?” Here are five tips for clear communication:

Use Action Words – Use the simple tense instead of the continuous tense of verbs when possible. Instead of, “I have been working at Acme Motors for 10 years.” Say, “I have worked at Acme Motors for 10 years.” Take time to choose your words. You may feel awkward with the staccato nature of simple tense verbs at first, but they set a nice pace and make your message clearer. Put yourself in your listener’s shoes: “If this was the first time I heard this message, would it engage me?”

Shut Up – When in conversation, listen more than talk. Figure out what really matters and filter your communication through that lens. Repeat in your head what you heard the speaker say and reword it back to her. My go to intro for this is: “Just to clarify what I heard you say…” Be aware of your listener’s non-verbals and make good use of your own like eye contact, nodding, smiling, and my favorite, the puppy head tilt. When you are on the phone, smile. Even though the caller can’t see you smile, they can hear it.

Broaden Your Vocabulary – Read, read, read. I read books suggested by Reese Witherspoon, Lin-Manuel Miranda, and Susan Barber (http://susangbarber.wordpress.com) among others. A mix of fiction and non-fiction is vital. Don’t be afraid to read over your head. I keep a dictionary on my phone to quickly and surreptitiously look up words for which I can’t glean the meaning from the sentence (like the word surreptitiously).

You Got Some ‘Splaining to Do – You know what you’re talking about, but no one else does. Put your message in terms a 5th grader would understand. This is not belittling 5th graders. They are pretty smart, but they are not known for their patience. Give illustrations in a simple and concise context. Edit ruthlessly. Write a rough draft. Leave it alone for a while. Overnight even. When you go back to it, cut repetitive phrases. Things that sounded brilliant in your head at the time often look over explained in the harsh light of day.

Don’t Give Up – Does all this sound like work? It is. Rarely is communication complete. Keep refining your message. It’s like talking about the Birds and the Bees with your kids. You really don’t just sit them down one day and tell them about sex. It’s a years long conversation. One day your two-year-old daughter asks you where babies come from and you tell her, “Tennessee,” because that’s what her little brain can handle. When she is older, she asks again and you tell her, “When a mommy and a daddy love each other very much…” because she can handle more. As the years go by, the questions get more uncomfortable, but you keep communicating because the message is important. When your second child asks similar questions, you’re ready because you’ve communicated this message before and had a chance to edit and refine it. The same theory holds true for much of your communication. Your message is important. Work on it.

Have any tips for clearer communication? Share them here: