Communication – Page 7 – mardihumphreys.com

Vacation or Workation?

Recently, I spent four hours of a paid vacation day working from home. I simply couldn’t stop. It was so quiet I could think. As ideas came, I could act on them without interruption. I got as much done in four hours at home as I usually do in eight at the office. I felt like I should stop, but I had so much to do. There’s no end to follow up and clients who want my attention, so how do I know when to quit working and actually relax on my vacation days? A few weeks ago I told you why you should take a vacation. Now I’m going to tell you why it’s okay to work (a bit) during it. Normally, just the thought of working while on vacation makes me nauseous, but here are three reasons I get out the antacid and the laptop:

It Demonstrates Commitment: It’s not fair, but it’s true. Plenty of companies expect employees to at least check email if they are going to be away more than a day; and so, the workation was born. 40 percent of men and 30 percent of women plan to work on vacation this year. Other members of my team with similar responsibilities work while they’re on vacation. I’ll look bad if I don’t. For example: If a customer voicemails me on Monday, and I wait until the following Monday to return his call, I might lose him. Since I can’t risk losing a lead, I email my designated backup and ask her to follow up. Then, I make note of it for my next performance evaluation. What good is my commitment to the company if they don’t know about it?

Less Stress on Vacation and at Work: I met with my manager the day before I left for vacation and we set ground rules. What work was I willing to do on vacation? Check email/voicemail? Attend client sponsored events? Handle an emergency? What constitutes an emergency? We set some boundaries. We determined whom in the office should be my designated back up. I gave them both a list of my projects that need monitored and their status. I told them who might call looking for me. I set an out of office email message referring to my designate and included her contact information. I proposed a time of day when I’ll consistently check messages. Fifteen minutes first thing during my morning coffee is what is convenient for all of us. I’ll either answer the messages, flag them, or pass them along to my delegate. I promised not to sabotage myself by responding to messages outside of that set time. When I stay connected and know things are running smoothly, I don’t worry. When an emergency happens, I handle it and don’t worry. When my inbox isn’t overflowing upon my return, I don’t worry.

No Guilt: I have too many pressing deadlines to take time off, yet I risk burnout if I don’t take it. Does this sound like you? Paid vacation is one of my benefits. If I don’t take it, I’m sending a message to my company that they’re wasting money. Yet, I’m expected to check messages because I have a laptop and a smartphone. If I want to totally unplug, I vacation somewhere I can’t get an internet connection. If I stay at a hotel with a designated business center, I take advantage of it. I can get plenty done in a short amount of time with free wi-fi, a secure internet connection, and a printer. Then, I tune out and enjoy the rest of my day. Tuning out is actually work for me. I have to make a conscious decision to live in the moment and enjoy it. I have to decide to stop thinking about what might be going on at work and concentrate on relaxation. I don’t mind checking in because I don’t want an important task to fall through the cracks. I enjoy my time off more when I know things are okay back at the office. I have an innate FOMO, but as long as I’m working because I want to and not because I have to, my peace of mind is worth it. And it’s worth my T.E.A.M.

Do you take vacations or workations? Tell me about them here:

Pardon the Manterruption

Manterrupting – When a man unnecessarily interrupts a woman who is talking. Example: Last week during a meeting, I was making a point. One of the men at the table jumped in with his opinion. He seemed to think he was doing me a favor by adding to my narrative. I wasn’t finished making my point and he steered the conversation in a direction I didn’t intend to go. He made it all about him because he “needed to clarify for myself.”

Bropropriating – When a man takes credit for a woman’s idea. Example: Returning from lunch, I found one of the account managers on speaker with a contractor. We have an open floor plan in our small office and I heard every word of both sides of the phone conversation. The contractor had purchased television advertising. He was writing his own script and having trouble. In a former job I wrote television commercials, so the conversation piqued my interest. I asked a few questions, made a few suggestions, and eventually offered to write a script. His shoot was scheduled for the next day, so I had to email the script to him immediately. I did. I received no reply. Crickets. Three weeks later I’m sitting in my living room on Saturday morning watching the local news and what do I see? The contractor’s commercial that I wrote. Writing scripts is not a service we normally provide. I did it to be a team player. Not only did I not make any money from my intellectual property, but the contractor also didn’t even acknowledge my contribution.

Manterrupting and bropropriating are linked. One often leads to the other, particularly in meetings, and especially in meetings where men outnumber women. There is even an app you can use to to track manterruptions during conversations. I once worked for a church where bropropriating was intentional. I was the only female on a team of four. We met weekly to plan creative elements for future worship services. The man in charge referred to taking someone’s idea and running with it a “stepping stone”. Gee, that’s a nice term for bropropriating. As if it’s normal. As if it’s not just taking credit for another person’s creativity. Here’s how it worked: A topic was introduced and the first person they looked at to offer suggestions on how to present it was me. Ladies first, you know. How convenient that I was the only “lady” in the room. Then they’d proceed to tear down the idea and offer their “better” ideas. Then we’d circle back around to my idea that they decided they liked after all. They just didn’t like hearing it from me. I was outnumbered 3 to 1. Now I know why my ideas were seldom acknowledged as my own . There were no other females in those meetings to amplify me. This process made me not want to attend these meetings. What was the point of being creative if someone else got credit for my creativity?

To make things worse, women are in competition with each other. As if there isn’t room enough for all of us. Where did we get that idea? If you are the only female on staff and another female is hired, do you partner with her or undermine her? The system is hostile by nature, but this doesn’t have to be the case. We can influence our environment by promoting the fact that the team will get further together than we will on our own. If we’re in a meeting where men outnumber us, we need to speak with authority. None of this, “Well, I don’t know whether this will work or not, but…” We can use non-verbals and power poses like lowering our tone of voice, walking to the front of the room, pointing, and placing our hand on the table to imply command of the conversation. When another woman makes an intelligent point, we can amplify it by immediately speaking up and agreeing with her and giving her credit for coming up with the idea. We can look interested when she speaks, nod our heads in agreement, and lean forward in our chairs. If a man interrupts a woman, interrupt his interruption by saying, “Jim, I’d really like to hear the rest of what Susan has to say.” It feels like trying to turn the Titanic around, but the workforce needs everyone’s brains; not just the brains attached to the loudest mouths.

Please tell me your manterrupting and bropropriating stories here:

College Educated

My husband and I helped our daughter move back to campus to begin her Senior Year last week. It made me feel nostalgic, but not in the “our-little-girl-is-growing-up” way. More like the “have-I-been-a-good-mom?” way. Our daughter is in college, but I’m earning a degree in parenting an adult child. Here are five things I learned and how I intend to use that knowledge this school year:

Boundaries: I’m going to stop feeling bad for setting and holding boundaries. For example: last Spring Break she paid for her trip. Following her return, she ate peanut butter and jelly for a week because she misjudged her next pay day. Sure, I could’ve given her $50, but what would that teach her? She’d learn she can count on me to bail her out of financial jams. Setting boundaries with an adult child is tricky. She still kinda lives with my husband (her father) and me. We have precious little recourse if she breaks our rules. If we ask her to tidy her room and she doesn’t, what are we going to do about it? Not help her pay tuition? If she perceives the house and everything in it as hers, then of course she’s offended when we bristle at her plan to invite a dozen of her friends over to cook a spaghetti dinner together. At midnight. On a Wednesday. I’ll stop making home comfy for her so she can look forward to moving out permanently and making a home of her own.

Communication: If she doesn’t ask me a question, I won’t voice my opinion. Communication is mostly listening. However, I need to limit how long I listen to her vent about a problem before suggesting she turn her thoughts toward a solution, and I must resist the urge to fix it for her. It’s hard to break that habit, but if I get hit by a beer truck this afternoon, she’s going to have to resolve it herself anyway. I need to train her to solve her own problems while she still has her parents to fall back on. Our birdie needs to know we think she can fly. Humans want immediate relief from crisis, but not every hard thing in life is a crisis.

Expectations: I’ll stop being offended when she chooses to spend time with her friends instead of me. She is finding her tribe and figuring out how to live in community. This is my opportunity to do the same. College is a natural time for her to pull away. I can make this transition easier for both of us by not wondering if she’s coming home for the weekend and making my own plans instead. Also, I’ll stop romanticizing my kid. It shouldn’t surprise me when she comes home to eat hot wings, pet the dog, and put items on the grocery list, not that there’s anything wrong with that. I need to see her for who she is and not whom I want her to be.

Sow, Reap: I will let her reap what she sows; both good and bad. When my daughter says she needs something, my first instinct is to find a way to give it to her. I’ll stop, think, and maybe ask a couple of questions before just handing over my retirement money. Actions have consequences. Adulting is one step up and two steps back. Letting her reap what she sowed is hard. But as difficult as it is to stand by and watch my child suffer the consequences of a poor decision, I have to remember that humans learn more from painful lessons than we learn from pain-free ones.

Lean On My Partner: I will step back and let my partner parent. Recently, something was obviously bothering our daughter and she refused to talk about it. Twenty-four hours later, she still didn’t want to tell us about it. She went to her room and after a couple of hours, I was worried. I started to check on her when my brilliant husband had a better idea: Bacon. Soon the irresistible smell of bacon frying on the stove drew her downstairs. She stated she didn’t want to talk about the situation because it made her sad. So I pulled an Elsa and let it go. Can I solve her problem? No. Is it her problem and not mine? Yes. Does the cold bother me anyway? Never. My husband has a different perspective on most every situation concerning our daughter. I’m soft on her for some things and he’s soft on her for others. Luckily, we’re rarely soft on her for the same things. Occasionally, I have to let him take the lead and support his management of the situation. Doing so is easier when it involves bacon.

How do you parent your adult child? Please share your story here:

Vulnerable to Extinction

When I ask young women what they want to do with their lives, I’m surprised at the number of whom say Stay at Home Mom (SAHM). Their answer saddens me because it’s such a tough row to hoe here in America. I think they are brave to admit this desire given the current state of the women’s movement. Speaking as someone who is reaping the consequences of choosing child-rearing over career, I have some news for SAHM wannabes:

Not News: Whether or not SAHM is a profession is highly controversial. Since women in America do not receive a paycheck to be SAHMs, for the sake of this conversation, I refer to it as a job. I think we can all agree that it takes skill to run a home: Time management, organization, budget balancing, crisis management, cruise director, chauffeur, nurse, maid, teacher, coach, cook, housekeeper, etc.

Also Not News: Plenty of women have to do all of the above while simultaneously working a full time job. A friend who is a wife and mother of a preschooler was excited to accept a position that pays $12.13 an hour to start. I’m smiling and congratulating while in my head calculating how far that money will go. When did food, clothing, and shelter get so expensive? Her situation is common. Are you married and need daycare so you can work because you can’t pay your bills with one income? In 2016, Americans paid an average of $196 a week to put one child in daycare, and the price just keeps going up. Of the parents surveyed, two-fifths said costs rose $1000 per year.

Actual News: Many women consider raising children a full time job, but America’s legal system doesn’t. Is it even possible to be a SAHM anymore? If you are going to be successful, here are three things you should consider:

Partner: You will need someone who is willing to support you and your children financially at least for a while. Be prepared to give up luxuries like eating out, expensive vacations, and designer clothes, for years. Work to maintain good communication. Regularly check in and ask how he’s doing and tell him how you’re doing. Go on dates so the two of you have bonding experiences that don’t include the kids. Acknowledge this is hard for both of you, and be assertive in expecting help with managing both the chores (cooking/cleaning/yard work, etc.) and the child care. It’s not “babysitting” when it’s your own kid. It’s parenting.

Gig: Can you work at home to maintain some sort of professional connection? Because while you may be a SAHM for around 20 years, eventually, you’ll retire and a 20 year hiatus from the work force is damaging to your marketability. Start now to prepare for life after your nest empties. What about starting a business? What about working part time? What about volunteering?

Network: Stay in touch with other moms and former colleagues. With all the social media platforms available, you have no excuse to let relationships go, but also make the effort to connect face to face. Meet for coffee, lunch, a walk, a book club: any activity that comes naturally so that you have adult relationships to cultivate for the future day when you have the bandwidth to pursue your life’s next chapter.

Do you have any advice for potential SAHMs? Share it here:

Who Are You Calling Old?

More frequently I hear, “You look great for your age,” as opposed to, “You look great.” Sometimes I shop in the junior department to get the right size and I get “the look” from the other shoppers. You know, the look that says, “You’re too old to wear this style.” Men and younger women offer to carry heavy things for me. I lift weights four days a week. I can carry three 12 packs of Caffeine Free Diet Coke, people! When I just wear mascara, I look fine in the mirror, but Snapchat tells a very different story. In getting to know a new coworker, she asked if I had any children. I replied, “Our daughter is a senior in college.” She said, “You still have a child in school?!” Nice. Merriam-Webster defines ageism as “prejudice or discrimination against a particular age-group and especially the elderly.” Did you know there is a longevity revolution? It’s discussed mostly in terms of economy and health care, but I feel like it means, “Hey, we’re all living longer, so stop treating me like I’m irrelevant.” That’s the fear, right? Being irrelevant? Your needs are unmet because you get marginalized? As usual, I have more questions than answers:

Why Is Ageism a Thing? Everyone is getting older by the second. Isn’t it counterproductive to assume someone can’t contribute to society because they’ve reached a certain age? This has been going on a long time, like at least since 1967. Ever heard of “Logan’s Run?” The perception is old people consume resources without contributing to their replenishment. At what age do you think that happens? It depends on how old you are. (Isn’t it ironic?) People 18-29 years old think 60 is old. Middle aged people consider 70 old. People aged 65+ years think 74 is old. We’re afraid we won’t be able to get what we want when we want it. We resent a percentage of our paychecks going to Social Security to support retired people whom we imagine use the money to take a month long trip to the Grand Canyon.

Can You Fight It? You want to work and advance in your career, but your appearance and your resume expose you as a woman over 40 years old. Not only are you fighting a glass ceiling, but now you also have to negotiate a glass floor of hiring managers younger than you who assume you’re neither tech savvy nor value your industry experience. What do you do? Update your resume. It should be one page long. Get an appropriate Gmail address (your.name@gmail.com) and include it in the contact section of your resume. Use a font that is modern and easy to read like Calibri or Garamond. In interviews, if you’re asked a sneaky question, like, “How long do you plan to keep working?” Emphasize how much you enjoy it. Mention things you do that reveal you’re always learning: reading the blogs of famous business thought leaders, using a trendy app, a TED Talk you posted on your social media.

Can You Win? It’s an endless uphill climb. You have to stay engaged, grow thick skin, and develop a sassy attitude. Oprah Winfrey said, “We live in a youth-obsessed culture that is constantly trying to tell us that if we are not young, and we’re not glowing, and we’re not ‘hot,’ that we don’t matter….I refuse to let a system or a culture or a distorted view of reality tell me that I don’t matter.”

What Does Winning Look Like? Getting paid for a job based on your skill, abilities, and experience, and not getting turned away because of how long you’ve been in the workforce. Here’s what winning looks like in the volatile and youth obsessed music industry: The rock band U2 have been together 42 years. Not only do they stay relevant by working with artists like 2018 Pulitzer Prize for Music winner Kendrick Lamar, but they also make money. U2’s 360º stadium tour in Jun 30, 2009 – Jul 30, 2011, made $736,421,584. It is currently the highest-grossing concert tour of all time. These guys are 56 (Edge, Larry Mullen, Jr.) and 58 (Bono, Adam Clayton) years old.

I could spend hours talking about ageism, but we are getting older by the second. If you want to continue this conversation, please use this form to send me a question or comment:

The Robots Are Coming! The Robots Are Coming!

We joke about robots taking over our jobs. “They can have it,” we say. But when a Google search returns about 841,000 results to my, “robots taking over jobs statistics,” query, we should seriously think about how we can add value to our employers. It’s not enough to just do the tasks in your job description. Your company expects you to contribute to its bottom line. You are an investment to them. They expect to get a return. If they get a good return on your work, you have grounds to ask for a raise and/or promotion, and you have a good reason to expect job security. Here are five things you can do to add value to your company:

Be Extra – Doing just a little bit more than what is expected of you can impress your manager in a big way. For example, one of my coworkers had an unfortunate coffee spill. And when I say unfortunate, I mean all over him, the walls, the window, and the carpet. The office smelled like latte for a week, which I loved. But coffee stains, so I searched the internet for carpet cleaning services and emailed my manager links to my top three choices. She didn’t ask, I just did it. It only took seven minutes. You don’t have to take on difficult projects to stand out. Taking the next logical, thoughtful, extra step leaves a good impression.

Pay Attention – Google your company. Read Activity Reports. Do a little reconnaissance. Is your company moving to a new software platform? Be the expert. Learn new skills on your own time. I’m taking a Mastering Excel class on lynda.com. I audited a financial accounting class from The Wharton School of Business. Neither of these cost me money. You should learn enough business acumen to ask intelligent questions and to look good at your next performance review. Why sit at your desk and try to look busy when you could actually be busy?

Be An Encourager – Did a coworker’s grandmother pass away? Buy a sympathy card and pass it around for everyone to sign. Did a Customer Service Representative bring a potential problem to your attention? Give her points using your company’s reward system. Life is about relationships. Companies don’t hire people. People hire people. You never know who will be in a position to hire you some day. Random acts of kindness are memorable. Make sure you have a reputation of lighting up the room when you walk into it instead of when you walk out of it.

Make Your Boss Look Good To Her Boss – This is not brown nosing. This is making your manager look smart for running a strong team that accomplishes major goals for the company. That spotlight is big enough to shine on you too. No one meets Key Performance Indicators by themselves and if your organization is not smart enough to recognize that, find one that does.

Be Part Of The Solution – One of my favorite lines from the television series Leverage is, “Don’t bring up a problem unless you have a fix.” Does your company have a vision statement? Make decisions using it as a filter. It’s way too easy to put the urgent before the important day after day after day after, well, you know. At least once a week, look at your task list and organize it using your company’s vision statement. Prioritize what is important to them. See a problem brewing? Formulate a solution before speaking up in Staff Meeting. You want to be known as a fixer, not a complainer.

Any suggestions on how to keep the robots from taking our jobs? Share them with me here:

Can You Keep a Secret?

Maybe you were at the wrong place at the wrong time and overheard something you wish you hadn’t. Maybe you received an email that wasn’t meant for you. However it happened, now you know something about a coworker you wish you could forget. So unless you can perform Gilderoy Lockhart’s Memory Charm on yourself, here are four suggestions on how to keep a secret:

Don’t Think About It: If it’s in your head it’s likely to come out of your mouth. Put it out of your mind especially when the coworker in question is around. Do something that diverts your attention: Go to the ladies room, work on the next client presentation, proofread the activity report, watch a puppy video. Whatever the secret is will burden her and there’s nothing she can do about it right now. It isn’t your place to tell her, so don’t. You may feel sorry for her, protective of her, outraged for her, but don’t let your non-verbals betray you. It won’t be a secret forever. When it comes to light, THAT is the time to release your emotions. Until then, keep them in check.

Don’t Tell Other People: You’re not supposed to have this information, so pretend you don’t. If another coworker suspects something and asks you to confirm or deny, don’t fall for it. Juicy gossip is tempting, but almost always hurtful and not just to your coworker. Oprah Winfrey says, “When someone talks to you about other people, know that they’re talking about you behind your back, too.” The last thing you need is a reputation for gossip. You want to be part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Do Be Helpful: A member of your team is being attacked. Part of your job is to protect the team (think Michael Oher in Blindside). If the attack is unjust, then there should be evidence that your coworker is a good employee. Have you received emails congratulating the team on a job well done? Flag them for future reference. Did a customer tell you he appreciated your coworker’s help? Ask him to email the manager his comment. Building people up not only helps them, but also makes you look good.

Do Be There For The Big Reveal: The thing about office secrets is they don’t stay secret for long. Not even in Vegas. So after this secret is revealed, be a support to your coworker. A chain is only as strong as it’s weakest link and right now your weakest link is your coworker. It’s in your best interest to not let the team falter because of this distraction. If the criticism is founded, gently identify how she got into this mess, figure out how to prevent it from happening again, then encourage her and the rest of the team to rally and repair any damage. If the criticism is not founded, now is the time to remind her of what she’s doing right, stay focused, and in the immortal words of Taylor Swift, “shake it off.”

Have you had to keep a secret at work? Share your story here:

Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner (and Breakfast and Lunch)?

My friend was very excited her daughter’s boyfriend’s apartment was finally move in ready after a month’s delay. He’d lived with her family for almost a year. He had a job, but did not pay rent, utilities, groceries, etc. Nor did he help around the house. My friend cooked his meals, did his laundry, washed his dishes, etc. He accompanied the family to the grocery, put items in the cart, and went to the car when they got to the cashier. She didn’t feel like she could impose consequences on him because of his relationship with her daughter. She said, “I know you would’ve sat down with the two of them before he moved in and talked about expectations. I wanted to, but we never found time. Now it’s too late.” Honestly, I don’t know whether I would’ve thought to do that or not. Pretty to think so (she gives me waaaaay too much credit). Do you have adult children who need a place to crash for a while? Maybe you have a recent college grad and his girlfriend, or a daughter and her partner moving back to town and unable to afford two mortgages. If you have adult children coming to live with you, maybe try a before, during, and after approach:

Before:
Have a family meeting over lunch or coffee and discuss arrangements:

Sharing – If they are not married, are they allowed to sleep together under your roof? Are you an early bird and they are night owls? If they blast the television volume at 1:00AM, is that going to disturb your R.E.M. sleep? Do you need a shower schedule so everyone gets to work on time?

Eating – Will you buy all the groceries? Plan all the meals? Fix three meals a day? If they drink a pound of Starbucks coffee you brew at home every week, are you paying for it?

Cleaning – Will you clean up after them in your common areas? Will you put the used dishes they left sitting on the living room table in the dishwasher? Are you doing their laundry?

Working – Do they have jobs? If not, are they looking for employment? Will they use your computer, printer, ink, paper, Wi-Fi, to search for employment? Will they use those resources for free? Do both of them have to get jobs before they can move out? How long will they stay: Three months, six months, a year, indefinitely?

Paying – Will they pay rent? Will they pay the electric bill? Will they buy groceries? This is tricky, but important to discuss. They need some skin in the game. They are using your power, water, appliances, maybe even your car. Your household expenses will go up and part of adulting is figuring out how to pay your expenses.

If you have house rules, now is the time announce them and define the consequences for broken rules. Acknowledge that mistakes are inevitable and will be forgiven. You can be a gracious host and have harmony in your home if you set boundaries and steel yourself to enforce them. Human nature being what it is, they will most likely test your boundaries. Stand your ground and demand respect. You do not want to make your home so comfortable for them that they never want to leave.

During:
Keep talking. What are their plans for leaving? How are the job searches going? Can they make dinner tomorrow night? Don’t do their laundry, dishes, taxes or anything else. Show them how to use the washer and dryer, dishwasher, stove, vacuum, coffeemaker, etc. Give them opportunities to contribute to the running of the house. Enforce consequences and be specific. For example: If you have to ask them to wash their dishes, set a time limit: “These dishes need washed, dried, and put away by the time I get up in the morning.” Is much clearer than, “Please clean up your dishes.” If this becomes a habit, there needs to be a consequence: “You can’t use our dishes anymore. Buy yourself some paper plates.”

After:
If they are still living with you after the deadline you set has passed, have another family meeting. Are they ready to go? Are they stalling? Do they need a Plan B? Was the deadline unrealistic and needs pushed back? If so, what is a more realistic deadline? If they are packed up and ready to go, now is the time to settle up. Do they owe you money? If they do, but can’t pay at the time, set up a payment schedule. Was living together pleasant (or at least tolerable)? If so, celebrate! Take everyone to dinner, help them move out, or just be gracious upon their exit.

Are you currently living with your adult children or vice versa? Tell me how it’s going here:

Who’s the Boss?

When I got my first “big girl” job after graduating college, I had one supervisor. She was the boss. She gave me my schedule, my paycheck, and approved my vacation. In the 11 years I worked for that company, it transferred ownership a couple of times and was restructured three or four times. I got passed around to different departments, but always had one person to whom I answered. Fast forward a few years: I was hired to work for a church who cobbled together a full-time administrative assistant position out of two part-time administrative assistant positions. I reported to two supervisors of completely different ministries and things got complicated. Robert Sutton, professor of Management Science and Engineering at Stanford University and author of Good Boss, Bad Boss*, says, “as you go to a matrixed structure, you can easily have between one and seven immediate supervisors.” If this is your situation, here are three suggestions:

Organize: Be ahead of the workload. Take good notes. Keep your calendar updated. Color code assignments. Revisit flagged emails weekly. Are there production goals you need to meet? Are there sales goals for which you are responsible? Do you know what your KPIs (Key Performance Indicators) are? Find out what your managers’ priorities are. Write them down if you have to and refer to the list when choosing how to spend your time. Projects usually take longer than you anticipate, so leave yourself margin whenever possible. Over promising and/or under delivering quickly gives you a bad reputation. If you get to set a deadline, forecast completion of the project a day after you think you will actually complete it.

Communicate: Meet with each manager weekly to discuss expectations, priorities, deadlines, short term and long term projects, and what you are doing for your other managers. This may seem like overkill, but when you report to more than one supervisor, it’s almost impossible to communicate too much. Be vigilant with follow up. Create a shared spreadsheet listing your projects for each manager so all of them can see it. If you work for managers who do not work out of the same office as you, they will wonder how you spend your time. When they are stressed about one of your projects, convey a sense of urgency. Email regular updates regarding your activity. Even if it’s just a couple of lines at the end of the day, “Here is a list of the steps I took to complete your project today.” If your time is billed to multiple clients you need to do this anyway, so it’s really not extra work. If you fail (IE: didn’t meet goal, missed a hard deadline, etc.), don’t wait to be called to the carpet for it. Be proactive. Go to the manager, tell her you screwed up, and why. Then tell her how you plan to fix it and your trigger to avoid making the mistake again. Are your managers competitors? Don’t talk negatively to one about the others. If they bait you, ask: “If I tell you what Manager X and I spoke of in confidence, how will you ever trust me not to talk to Manager X about what you and I talk about in confidence?”

Prioritize: There are 168 hours in a week. Even if you work all of them, it’s unlikely you can get everything done for everyone. Do you work on the projects you like best first? These may not be the projects your managers want done first. If you ask them to prioritize your projects and they say all the projects need to be done, refer them to your previously mentioned spreadsheet and say, “As you can see, I have A, B, and C all due for you today, as well as projects due for Manager X. Of A, B, or C, which one is the most important to you?” If you don’t receive a clear response, complete a task you know is important to him. Send an email informing him you completed the task, and ask him what he wants you to do next. If you consistently do this, it will become a painless habit for both you and your supervisors. When your managers’ plans for you conflict, use an email thread, conference call, or meeting to get everyone on the same page of your shared spreadsheet (see how handy this is?). If all this doesn’t work, determine who the Elvis is and finish his projects first. The Elvis is the manager who is ultimately responsible for you – the one who does your performance reviews is probably him. At the end of the day, this is the manager you need to be most loyal to if forced to choose.

Do you work for more than one supervisor? Use the form below to tell me some of your coping strategies.

Let’s Talk About Sex(ism)

Warning: Heavier subject matter than usual.

Phrases my friends have heard men say out loud in their offices in 2018: “Jim doesn’t realize he’s talking to a woman.” “She’s in charge (insert eye roll here).” “Joe doesn’t know how to talk to women.” “Give it to the office girl.” (Side note, the office girl is over 50 years old and is the speaker’s supervisor.) Do they not hear themselves? Do they not get it? Do they not care?

Most men would tell you they are not sexist because they sincerely believe they aren’t. Here’s an interesting (and scary) article about unconscious sexism: https://www.forbes.com/sites/amyanderson/2016/12/14/no-man-is-above-unconscious-gender-bias-in-the-workplace-its-unconscious/#2dc4e1d612b4. Take the last United States’ Presidential campaign for example. During a stop in Virginia in February 2016, The governor of my state, John Kaisch, said, “And how did I get elected? Nobody was, I didn’t have anybody for me. We just got an army of people who, um, and many women, who left their kitchens to go out and go door-to-door and to put yard signs up for me,” (http://www.cnn.com/2016/02/22/politics/john-kasich-women-kitchen/). When female voters protested the women-leaving-their-kitchens comment, he said he intended no offense, if you listened to his whole speech you’d understand the context, and “Everybody’s just got to relax.” While we’re on the topic of sexist comments by men in government, let me just state the obvious and get it out of the way: President Trump. Enough said. I’m pulling a Mick Jagger. “If you start me up I’ll never stop.”

I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve been told I’ve just got to relax. If a female gets offended by a sexist comment made by a male coworker, we are told it’s because we aren’t chill, we didn’t understand what he meant, or we have no sense of humor. Getting offended and pointing it out eventually renders anything we say ineffective. In nearly every job I’ve held so far, I’ve had to decide how much standing up for my gender will cost me. My most extreme example: One of my supervisors used me as a scapegoat to chronically spend over budget, took my ideas for his own, then nicknamed me Pandora for asking too many questions. It’s difficult to just relax when the industry’s general consensus is a woman’s career is not as important as a man’s career.

My biggest angst is how to prepare our daughter for this reality. When she was born 21 years ago, I really hoped by now sexism would no longer be an issue. But just in case, I intentionally pushed to name her Casey, or another gender ambiguous name, so that when hiring managers saw her resume they could not possibly know what gender she is before they saw her. That coupled with the fact her resume lists her position on her university’s power lifting team REALLY confuses hiring managers. One came to the lobby to bring her back for an interview, looked right at her, then asked his administrative assistant if Casey Humphreys had shown up yet. Casey said, “That’s me.” After looking over her resume, he expected to find a muscular young man sitting in his lobby, not a petite young woman.

I usually have some encouragement for you at this point in the post, but this week, all I have are questions. Little questions like: When do you speak up? When do you shut up? Is there any point in saying you’re offended? Is any change going to take place if you do? Should you keep hitting your head against this wall? Then there are the huge questions: What are your coping strategies? Has speaking up kept you from advancement? What do you tell your daughters?

Please tell me your stories here: